Pakistani youth and the etiquette of social networking.

The assertions made in this post do not necessarily apply to the youth as a whole but rather address the majority (or minority, your word against mine) of Pakistani youngsters that use Facebook, Twitter, and other social networking medium to embarrass themselves, their country and their people, including myself. Aur agar kisi ne kaha k in mae se koi bhi baat jhoot hai, tou dharti maa ki kasam mae tumhari facebook se he examples nikal k isi blog mae post karun ga. 

Dear Youth of Pakistan,

This is you. Yes, I said you. I am you from a parallel dimension where you are more mature and less stupider. You may read more about the Multiverse Theory here if you are so curious as to how that’s possible. Anyways, that’s not important. Here is what’s important. You are fucking annoying! Not only that, you are an embarassment. You are a shame to have around. You are not cool and advanced, you are actually setting your people BACK another 20 years by pretending to be morons. Here is how you’re doing it. AKA, 7 ways to act like a total retard.

1. Misspelling your own name (specially with that fucking you like so much)
So hardcore. Zain becomes Xain. Nazish becomes Naxish. My favorite was Asad becoming Axad. No! Hell no. Adding an X to your name does not make you cool guys. It makes you look like you can’t spell your own name. Your facebook profile is you! It’s your persona on the internet. You have to pretend so hard, that you don’t even keep your real name? Anyone with an X in their name where it doesn’t belong should remove it or be prepared for humiliation. X marks the spot, as the old adage goes.

2. The endless dots…………..
It’s called an Ellipsis and it consists of only three dots…like so. It is supposed to represent a missing word. Like you wanted to say something…but you would rather not. You have the audacity to use it EVERYWHERE! You use it in the middle of your sentences, you use it to end your sentences and the mother of all fuck-ups even uses it to BEGIN your sentences. What’s the matter with you? I know you have spent your entire life without acquiring any real knowledge but why make it so known to public?

3. Random capitalization (ranDom CapitaLization)
As a rule of thumb, here is what you should capitalize.
-Beginnging of a sentence
-Titles (of books, movies, etc.)
-Everything else derived from Proper Nouns.
This capitalization bit is actually the inspiration for writing this article. It was a dear friend’s birthday today and when I got on her facebook to wish, I was wishing I hadn’t. There were about 20 posts and not a single one with proper grammar, capitalization or spelling. Not just because they’re illiterate, oh no. Please don’t think I’m conceited; but because they wanted to be so cool and write happy Birthday, and happy bday, or my favorite…haPPy bday! My lord.

4. Frandshipperz (Mae ap se fraaaaandsheeep krna chahta houn)
Most of the girls will agree when I say this. Jaaaa oye tharki penchoda. Pardon my French.

5. Misspelling on purpose.
Happiness has two p’s, not one. The word true has the letter e at its end. The word but has a “u” in the middle. So on and so forth. Among yourselves you seem cool but when the rest of the world sees your posts, they think you are retarded. I really wish I could post some screenshots here but I’ll wait until someone decides to be the patriotic hero & argues with me so I can post from their (or their loved ones, yes I will stoop that low) facebook. Hehe. Please stop.

6. Posting facts that are not facts.
Some of my favorite ones:
MBBS & Guinness world records.
The Burma Muslims
There were many more with Pepsi having alchohol and some ridiculous ones about Islam but let’s not tread those waters. By the way, here is the truth about The Burmese Muslims.

7. The lonely boy & Selena Gomez (Last but not least)
The biggest, stupidest thing you guys do is when:
A girl posts this as her Profile Picture.
Or when a boy posts something similar to this as his profile picture.
If you looked like Selena Gomez girl, I probably would let you keep that picture but you don’t. If your profile picture is Selena, the chances are you’re a yetti. If your profile picture is a lonely boy, chances are you have dysfunctional hormones and need lots and lots of lube, muthal.

*Sigh*. Guys, don’t hate me because I speak the truth. Sometimes we all need to look hard in the mirror. You are welcome to hold the mirror up to my face some day as I’m quite open to introspection anyways, but this is my time. This is my blog and you’re welcome. For those of you still upset, here’s a potato.


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