Chicken Cottage in Jhelum

Don’t ever eat there. The reason why I didn’t come up with a cleverer title is because I know that eventually, someone belonging to this restaurant will try to Google their name and end up finding this neat little article. Boy, are they going to be upset when they see this!

On a personal note, I did blog for a while on Food Connection – Pakistan (FCP) but that wasn’t as lucrative for me as it was for them. So I think I’m going to be doing restaurant reviews here instead. Specially for the ones that stand out! Like The Chicken Cottage in Jhelum. No one knows how to drop the ball like these guys!

Me and my friends had to drive a while to reach that place. The menu on their website looked just as delicious as the one inside their restaurant. It promised unburned American food served by Pakistani people, which is a reliable promise, right? Hah. Even though the country is currently suffering from an ENERGY crisis and we don’t have ANY electricity to fulfill our daily needs, let alone spare, this is what the outside of their facility looked like. 

Chicken Cottage Jhelum

So once we got over the lights, which was like showing a swimming pool to an African kid who drank water out of a mud puddle most of his life, we finally went in. The gentleman at the counter tried to swindle us into buying an extra drink! Really! You could see clearly on the menu that a 5 piece order of chicken wings was Rs. 250 but Abrar, for some reason, kept telling us that we will get a FREE drink, if we pay 280. It’s a promotion. We were just trying to buy wings as an appetizer before the “mountain burger” meal arrived but Abrar wasn’t having it. He really wanted us to have that FREE drink which was actually 30 rupees. Apparently the management at Chicken Cottage thinks there is a special pocket in our wallets that produces an expendable sum of 30 rupees every time we toss out the one before. Sorry guys, not going to steal from me today.

Anyways, the “mountain burger” I ordered was just a big pile of shit. It was just a lot bigger than the other 3 piles my friends got. It had a piece of chicken and a fillet of fish with a slice of cheese and some mayonnaise. A piece of cabbage leaf, not lettuce, was also involved in there somewhere. That’s it. 

The wings were either uncooked, or burnt. Which is incredible because I, as an avid recreational cook myself, could have never managed to accomplish that task. Here is what they looked like.

Chicken Cottage Jhelum

You can notice the uncooked pink on the left and the well beyond overcooked black on the right. Nice contrast for the eyes, not so much for the gastric mucosa.

Also, he sent out small fries and a small drink on my large order. I had to complain to 3 different people before one of them kindly replaced my fries and brought me another small drink instead of a regular large one. The cups for these drinks were made of crap and became soggy after a while. Yes, the cups became soggy. It was like holding a water balloon after 15 minutes. 

The restrooms were super tiny but that’s alright, I guess we didn’t go there to take a dump. The management should have been more considerate, given the fact that this restaurant is located on a well traveled interstate highway called the G.T. Road. People are going to stop in to use the restroom every now and then. 

The owners office was bigger than half the restaurant, but who cares about that?

Here’s the break down:

Price per head: 800 (average)

Food: Disgusting

Service: Mediocre for a Pakistani restaurant.

Ambiance: Excellent 

Should you go there? No. The subway across the road is a much better choice and that’s where we all ended up going afterwards. They have cookies. 

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8 thoughts on “Chicken Cottage in Jhelum

  1. Hmmm… thorough review. Shall keep all the points in mind for future reference. But the ambience was excellent, surely that made it worth it, no? Subway, FTW. 🙂

  2. ‘Nice contrast for the eyes, not so much for the gastric mucosa’, haha loved this line. & well, guess this was a first, you experienced. There’s a lot more out there, lot more.. =p

    Subway and their cookies. Win.

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