Punk’d by the Mayans

I’d like to take a timeout from my books (read: naps) to issue this statement of elucidation.

It worries me to see how many people were not only anticipating, but actually excited about the world’s end. After careful contemplation conducted during a hot shower, I have jumped to the conclusion that everyone’s excitement about the world’s end was directly proportional to the amount of misery in their lives. Either that or boredom.

This, of course, includes me. I was actually counting on it. The end may not be nigh but my exams are awfully nigh and no one likes academics unless you’re one of those fuckers. In which case, I take this space to instruct you to do something which is anatomically impossible: fornicate with yourself. Stop studying! You’re making us normal people look bad.

I am not as disappointed by the world continuing forth as I am about being wrong. I have many acquaintances and young, impressionable cousins whom I may have awed with my unlimited knowledge of galactic alignments and geologically rapid polar shifts as predicted by Einstein himself. Then I proved them with magic videos from youtube (before it was banned in Pakistan) which are never wrong and the absolute authority on everything. The aforementioned people will be blowing up my celly (ebonics for a wireless device) either asking me why the world didn’t end or mocking me for being wrong.

In my defense, I’m not the guy responsible for the world’s end-type affairs. Seriously.

Here’s a potato to help you grieve. This potato is an asshole. You can tell just by looking at it.



5 thoughts on “Punk’d by the Mayans

  1. Literally can’t believe I’m saying this but….. I may just love this as much I loved Love in the Time of Flu. Mind you, i did say “may just’. If there’s anything I’d count as a second favourite… it’s this 🙂

  2. I was quite sure that only a topic like this could stir the Mango out of his slumber! As always, you never fail to deliver. Thoroughly enjoyed the piece.

    Inevitably, there seemed to be many around that secretly seemed to be relying on this event, doubts though there were, and regardless of how much they mocked the Mayan’s exteriorly. Those overly intelligent individuals who wholeheartedly believed and prepared for it are now thoroughly disappointed, but that’s another story.

    Good luck with the studying and exams, We, in Twitterland, hope to see you again on the other side. 🙂

  3. You’re totally right about the directly proportional to misery part. I was actually hoping it would end 🙂 Not that I believed it would, though. Sort of contradictory, right?

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